Harmless Advice of a Shinigami
by TheFailMonster
Summary: Ryuk decides he has some advice for Light. Slight LightxRyuk


**This is my first DeathNote fic, so please help me if any of it doesn't make sense.**

**xxXxx**

Light sat in his room, the DeathNote on the desk, its blank page mocking him. He had been sitting there for quite a while, just waiting for the inspiration about who to kill next. He had stopped writing when he turned the page, and now he seemed to have lost all feeling toward his normal 'duty'.

He knew that Ryuk was in the kitchen, rummaging around in the search of apples. He had no idea where his sister was, and he knew that his father was working on the Kira case. He suspected that his mother was over with the neighbour again, doing things he didn't want to think of.

With a final sigh of helplessness, Light threw his pen into the notebook and stalked out of the room. He needed a breather, and for some reason, talking to Ryuk was something that calmed him down a great deal. Maybe it was because he knew that there was nobody Ryuk could tell about whatever Light told him. And unless someone stumbled upon the DeathNote, there was an astonishingly slim chance of that changing.

Walking into the kitchen, he noticed that Ryuk had made somewhat of a great mess in his pursuit of apples. Standing behind the shimigami as he searched the cupboards, Light cleared his throat. The sudden noise made Ryuk jump slightly, and he knocked his head of the cupboards doorframe.

"Light! Why would you do that?"

"Meh," Light shrugged. "I was bored. Are you still hunting for apples?"

"Yes," was the exasperated reply. "I saw your mother buy some, but I didn't see where she put them." He stood straight, nearly hitting his head on the low ceiling.

Light wanted to laugh, but couldn't figure out how to do it without annoying Ryuk. "We sometimes keep apples in the fridge. Have you checked there yet?"

Ryuk stopped moving altogether. "Apples in the fridge? I never would have guessed to look there." Looking a little bit hurt that he hadn't thought of it first, Ryuk wandered toward the fridge. When he opened the door, he made a noise that made Light think of squealing fangirls. It was enough for him to double over laughing; only stopping when he couldn't breathe.

Ryuk just stood in the kitchen with his bag of apples, eating each one slowly, like he was savouring the taste of the fruits. He gazed over at Light, who was still trying to regain his composure.

"Light. How many people has Kira killed today?"

Light stood up, startled by the question. "None. I just can't seem to do it today." He looked down to the floor, feeling himself blush at his failure. It wasn't like him to not be able to write in the DeathNote. It just felt weird.

Ryuk finished off the final apple and put the empty bag in the bin. "I think you need more sex."

Light let his jaw drop, and openly gaped at Ryuk, not believing what he had just heard. Ryuk looked at him seriously.

"I'm being honest here. I think that you need more sex, as a way for you to loosen up. You spend all your time in your room, so you never seem to have time to do anything except kill people."

Light continued to look shocked. Shaking his head he spoke. "And so your final idea is that _I need more sex_?"

Ryuk nodded, almost sadly. "Yes. This is what I think you need. I have to hang around with you until something happens, you could at least look like you are doing something other than filling the book. You may not realise, but I enjoy your company, and when you finish the book, I'm gone."

"So you want me to screw someone, just so we can spend more time together?"

Ryuk glided closer to Light, so close they were almost chest to chest. "Yes. But not just someone."

Light looked confused, not completely following what Ryuk was saying. Ryuk leaned in closer, so that he was almost on top of Light.

"No, not just anyone. I want to be the one. I want to screw you." He leaned down so he was face to face with Light. Delicately, he ran his finger along the side of Lights face, waiting for the teen to react in any way. When there was no sign of reaction, Ryuk sighed and walked into another room.

Light stood in the centre of the kitchen, completely and utterly shocked. Without any thought, he turned and followed Ryuk, almost like a machine. Soon he found himself in his bedroom.

Alone.

Realising that Ryuk wasn't with him, he turned a full circle trying to find him. He heard laughter coming from the other side of his door. Confused, he walked over and opened it.

Ryuk was lying on the floor, his body convulsing with waves of laughter.

"Hahahaha! I can't believe it! You actually thought I was going to do it! Hahaha!"

Light watched in horror as he realised he had been tricked. A hot blush ran across his face, and he slammed his door, trying to block out the laughter.

After a while it died down. And Light was ready to die of shame. He kicked the bed, then kicked his desk, then threw himself sown onto his bed.

Ryuk had his ear pressed to the door, listening to the sounds of teen anger. He smiled to himself before speaking.

"Light. I meant what I said." Ryuks voice carried through the door. "You need more sex. And your mother needs to buy more apples."

**xxXxx**

**Shame on you people that thought they were gonna do it.**

**I don't even think its possible to have sex with a shimigami, not that anyone would want to.**

**And if it is, I think I might just let other people write about it.**

**Hope you liked it.**

**I haven't actually watched any DeathNote in a long time, so I have kind of had a bit of a brain-dread moment while writing this fic.**

**Don't forget to review.**


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